Please

I'm begging myself to just stop all of this I want to eat crap, I'm losing motivation quick and it feels like a landslide. I think it's partially due to the fact that I ran out of cigarettes yesterday and all the times I'd go outside to smoke I'm filling up with eating. To be honest I'd take a cigarette over any type of food any day, but it doesn't help when you don't have them.


My dad for sure said that by mid March he's getting a membership (after all his doctor appointments, because he's going to start exercising than too). I tried doing exercises at home and didn't realize you have to do them every other day when you start out even though you're really sore, so I should have done them yesterday. My legs felt like they were about ready to snap off, so I just assumed you had to wait until they didn't hurt anymore (which was more than likely some lame excuse).


So, doing the whole practically no food is not working, because I end up binging at the end of the day. So, I've done my calculating on fitday free calorie counter and I figured out that by May 1st I can weigh 105 pounds with eating 800 calories a day. Which is still quite a lot, but since I've been exercising and will have the opportunity to exercise regularly I should be able to acquire my goal a little sooner than this.


So, I've had a wheat bagel today (300 calories included with some margerine) and then for lunch I can have a 200 hundred calorie something if I feel that I really need to eat something and than I can have a 300 calorie dinner. I think some of these calories I'll be able to cut back on because I'll feel like there's less pressure, but still 800 calories is not enough to make me feel so horribly guilty about eating that I'll binge and it's also enough to satisfy my wanting to eat because of the lack of control and cigarettes.


Stay strong, fight the urges,
Amy